Monday, March 12, 2012

Coffee Shop Suits


Suits were coming to take hold of their daily coffee fix. A dusty wide-striped navy coupled with once-fashionable leather shoes orders a flat white. He might as well demand a skinny latte with extra foam and a pinch of chocolate powder on the side. These corporate sharks constantly climbing their socially twisted career ladders are as posh about their cuppa’ as domestic matrons are fussy over their precious chicks. All of this to make another statement of ambition, as well as outline their possibilities to have small things done to their liking.
            A pair of silver-haired gentlemen take a seat nearest to the main entrance, subconsciously or consciously making apparent their time is not to be wasted. Tightly gripping their files or placing them gently next to their coffee cups to make maximum use of any free moment they might get to go over meeting reports and competition statements or pitch an idea to a superior they have managed to lure for an ‘informal chat’.
            Every now and then a female enters. She might be leveraging her macchiato with proudly exhibited legs on “10 heels looking down on the many male colleagues already settled with their one-shot lattes with three brown sugars. They are trying to stay healthy, you know. She hands over a £10 bill and walks away without accepting change. She empathises with the long hours and aching feet of that weary-looking waitress putting in the extra effort to afford that fourth term at uni, yet does not appreciate being caught red-handed having such a sentiment. No one ever made it easy for her but the line of her bright red lips says she has made peace and big bucks despite.
            Another female, lively chatting to a male companion ignoring the inconspicuous frown of the long legged and lean corporate black panther. She quickly orders a hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows on top as loud as she can, rumbles in her wallet for the exact change and takes a seat in the most comfortable cushioned chair available. She does not tip, she does not spare a glance to other suits and she does not make apologies. She is who she is and makes sure everyone knows it.
            The barista, meanwhile, juggles between wry smiles, every type of coffee imaginable and lemon cheesecakes. She takes your money, she smiles. She offers you biscuits, she smiles. She gives you back change, she smiles. She turns to the next customer, she smiles. A twelve- hour shift on her feet, followed by at least four hours of revision and cramming, followed by four hours of sleep, followed by six hours of lectures. There are not enough hours in a day. She is a robot but a smiling one at that.
            There are statements to be made of each and every one of them. They are not without past mistakes, future success and families back home in Surrey. “Your accent is too posh to order a flat white.” I want to say to the suit standing before me but I hold my tongue as he drops a picture of his grey-haired mother and two children sitting on those same shoulders I see humped before me and because for all I know, he might have read “Ruf Ruf the Rabbit” as a bed time story to his children and made funny bunny voices to go with it. That is not posh, that is a suit with a story in its pockets or more likely, in its sleeves.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Käisin eile vaatamas filmi The Iron Lady. Super. Film ei pea absoluutselt olema täis arusaamtuid mõistufraase ja groteskse äärmuseni viidud ebareaalseid karaktereid, et omada mingit kultuurilist väärtust. Kui anda endale võimalus tõeliselt mõista, kellega peategelase kujul tegemist on, ei ole keeruline temaga samastuda, asetada end neisse võimatult keerulistesse olukordadesse, millega temal, naisena tuli tegelda selles endiselt sõja "lummuses" olevas meestemaailmas. "Ones life should matter. I do not want to die washing a tea cup." Kui saabus lõpustseen, kus endine Suurbritannia peaminister, vanadusest nõder ja põdur, tõepoolest seisi teetassi pestes valamu kohal, leidsin end mõttelt - nüüd saan tõeliselt teada, kes see naine siiski oli, kas kõik tema ohverdused ja raevukad võitlused tasusid lõpuks seda vaeva. Minu jaoks seisnes kogu selle filmi olemus ja põhimõte just selles lõpustseenis.
Kinost välja astudes vaatasin mööduvaid inimesi ja arutlesin põnevusega, kes neist on pikemalt peatunud mõtisklusel mõnest ajaloo suurkujust, kes on tegelikult toonud nad sellesse hetke. Kas nad kunagi hindavad kõiki neid võimalusi ja seda potentsiaali, mis peitub igaühes meist. Milleks viimane meist oleks võimeline läbi taolise pingutuse ja pideva kannatuse, sest "ones life should matter".
Suurepärane film.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

...what if...


Whati if you want people to stop noticing you and if they don´t, you wish they would... What if you constantly feel you don´t have enough money and when you finally think that you do, you still don´t feel the security you thought it would give you... What if it always rains when you have free time and when one time it does not you just want to hide in a closet until it goes away... What if the things you think you want are not good for you and when you realize it, it´s far too late to change your course... What if life is not as easy as you expected and the right thing to do seems impossible... What if you wish someone was there to take care of you but are too stubborn to let anyone in or even past your „hey there!“... What if even your family suddenly feels like a million light years away and you feel like crying only your tears are all dried out from constantly being on your own... by choice...

Tuesday, December 20, 2011


Every day i somehow find myself moving towards it. Like the slight indication to what my purpose in life could be was hidden somewhere deep inside me and i am very, very slowly yet consistently sneaking up on it, trying to catch a glimpse before it vanishes once again. Then i manage to see its shivering finger and am thoroughly sure i now know what it looks like. I start to imagine the impeccable refinement of its shapes, its simple genious and above all – its purity from all the selfishness in the world. It resembles the pursuit of idealism although the practical side of me seems to scream so loud that it shatters to million tiny pieces of glass, still shimmering in the sunlight casting their reflections on the wall as to remind me: „We were here, remember us!“ And i go on with my life as i have come to know it... empty, clueless, wandering around trying to catch another glimpse, even for just one second...

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

inspiratsioon - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0qX7ZsxD3Ik&ob=av2e


Maailmas on ju tegelikult veel ilu alles. Kõnnin tänaval ja näen seda raagus puud imelikult uduses valguses ja see tundub kuidagi nukker. Aga ilus. Lähen sellest mööda ja näen järgmist puud täies lehes päikese käes peesitamas. Jälle ilus. Kumb siis lõpuks ilusam on? Maitse asi.
            Postkontoris seisab mu ees naine. Noor. Ilus oma sileda kleidi, kõrge-kõrgete kontsade ja tunniajase soenguga. Teisel pool letti seisab keskealine mees oma täiuslikus lohakuses. Ampsab võileiba, röhitseb südamest ja käratab tagaruumi: „Turn the music down already, will ya!“ Siis vaatab mulle järgmist ampsu võttes silma ja naeratab. Üks ülemine hammas on kuskile jalutama läinud. Ilu oma täies kontrastis.
            Taevas on selle kolmanda maja kohal natuke sinine. Linnuke siristab kirikukellaga võidu. Teemantid ripuvad puu otsas ja kõnnitee on sillutatud kullaga... Ilus elu ja sära, mille me otsustasime endale ilusaks.
            Maailmas on veel ilus, sest maailm ise on ilus. Klišee? Absoluutselt. Kuula lilli ja nuusuata linnulaulu. Sellel hommikukohvil oli nii ilus maitse, et meeled tahavad tänulikkusest karjuda, sest nad teavad, et ma vajan seda kohvi kas või ainult selleks, et meenutada endale, et algav päev võib tulla sama ilus kui see mõrkjas-magus maitse, kui ma ainult luban.
            Sest keegi ei oska seda kõike paremini hinnata kui see kaunitar postkontorist, kes avastas täna hommikul, et ilmselt hakkab sadama ja pani kotti punase vihmavarju musta asemel, sest vastutulijal on siis läbi halli vihma midagi värvilist vaadata.
            Ilus.

Friday, November 4, 2011

algustest


Asjade alustamisega olen ma siiani üldiselt hästi hakkama saanud, aga järjepidevus ei kuku hästi välja.
            Ma mõtlen, et päike tõuseb ju iga päev uuesti ja teeb nii juba... noh, ütleme, et väga kaua. Linnud laulavad iga päev, aga nad ei moodusta laulukoori ja ei käi seal igal nädalal kindlal ajal tund aega siristamas. Mina kavatsen kirjutada selles vaimus. Siis kui mul on tuju ja tahtmist või vähemalt üks nendest.
            Algustest rääkides. Millal on üldse õige aeg millegi alustamiseks? Mul on tunne, et pidevalt tuleb midagi oodata. Et oleks õige aeg tööle minna, et oleks õige ilm, et oma lemmik kingad jalga panna, et oleks õige vanus poest pudel veini osta, et oleks õige tunne lõpuks hakata mõtlema mõtteid, mida tuleb mõelda ükskõik kui pikalt sa neid edasi ei lükka. Ma usun, et õige aeg ongi siis kui tunne on õige, sest kui ma olen midagi õppinud, siis on see, et seda tunnet, mis su sees karjub: „Ei! Selleks ei ole praegu õige aeg!“ või „No kuule! See ei ole ju tegelikult see, mida sa tahad!“, seda tunnet tasub enamasti kuulata. Kui ta su peale just niisama igavusest ei röögi.
            See aga ei tähenda, et ei tohi endale ise eriti nutusel ja depressiivsel hommikul öelda: „Kuule, seda päeva on veel ainult mõni tund, õhtul oled sa niikuinii veel elus. Ära põe.“
            Et siis algused. Tõeline klišee, aga fakt jääb faktiks: iga päev on omamoodi uus algus. Eile hommikul jõid tassi kohvi, täna jood hoopis klaasi veini kui tahad. Ainult et siis ei tasu päris kohe tööle/kooli minna. Igal juhul võib kindlalt öelda, et ühele päevale järgneb teine ja me elame neid päevi nii hästi või halvasti kui oskame. Vähemalt selles oleme me kõik järjepidevad.
   Btw: happy 7 billionth person on mother Earth and father Sun!